


Me. // Lashton Hemwin

by Lemonwiththepuff



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alcohol Withdrawal, F/M, Falling In Love, Love Confessions, Luke Hemmings Loves Ashton Irwin, M/M, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Self-Love, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:42:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 13,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28461849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lemonwiththepuff/pseuds/Lemonwiththepuff
Summary: Sequel to You.For the sake of the band, Luke and Ashton try to stay away from each other and move on.More than once, they feel themselves slip up and find themselves closer to each other than intended.
Relationships: Calum Hood/Original Female Character(s), Luke Hemmings/Ashton Irwin, Michael Clifford/Crystal Leigh, Sierra Deaton/Luke Hemmings
Comments: 3
Kudos: 5
Collections: My Stories





	1. One

'Luke?'

'Luke?'

'Luke!', Ashton yelled now, knocking at the door.

'I know you are listening.. Please unlock the door', he begged and to his surprise, he heard the key being turned only seconds later.

'Hey..', Ashton mumbled as he walked in and carefully closed the door behind him while facing his friend.  
Luke's hair was put in a messy bun and he was dressed in a white over sized shirt with only black briefs underneath.

'Hey', Luke replied and sat down on the bed, bringing his left knee up to his chest and resting his chin on top. His eyes were focused on something outside the window, which was the only light source in the room right now.

'How are you feeling?'

'Empty', Luke answered truthfully, his blue eyes finally looking at Ashton. Their ususal ocean blue colour now appeared dull and lifeless, the joy they normally held was gone.

'You should talk to her.'

'I can't. I just can't tell her it was a boy, that it was you Ash', Luke said, tears already on the edge of spilling again.

'If you want her back, you have to. I'm sure she is waiting for you to make a move. It's been a month since you two talked', Ashton pointed out, scooting closer to his friend and putting an arm around his shoulders. He ignored the slight tingling that a simple touch still caused and concentrated on Luke's problem instead.

'I know, but she'll hate me, us.'

'If she really loves you, she won't hate you. And if you love her and want her back, then you should talk to her as soon as possible.'   
With that, Ashton left the room again, telling Luke that he was leaving for a few hours.

Luke was left alone again, thoughts running wild and confusion building up. He felt horrible for breaking her heart. Sierra had everything he could possibly want. She was beautiful, smart, funny, caring, understanding and just simply perfect, but maybe she wasn't perfect for Luke. Maybe she was perfect for someone else, someone who could make her happy, give her the love and attention she truly deserved and maybe Luke just wasn't this someone.  
Hell, he didn't even know if he still loved her. Was it worth fighting for her? What was he fighting for?

With a groan, Luke stood up and walked downstairs, rubbing his sore back on the way. He felt like an old man and he was sure that his lack of physical activity was to blame.  
His first way lead right into the kitchen where he got an ibuprofen and a glass of water. He swallowed the pill and drank the water, before going into the bathroom and getting his sport clothes out.  
He quickly put them on and made a new bun, before he walked out of the bathroom and put his shoes on.

The last time he had seen Sierra was a week after he had admitted that he'd cheated on her. She had allowed him to get a few things from the house, especially since they didn't knew where they would end up.  
Since then, Luke had tried to avoid everything that had to do with her.

Minutes later, he found himself in the middle of the woods, running down a path as he let the fresh air clear his head. He tried to rather focus on his breathing than on his messy life, but of course that failed.  
As his thoughts drifted off to Sierra, he felt the urge to cry again, but all the tears had been spilled and there were none left.  
His thoughts were running wild and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't figure out what to do.  
It had never seemed harder to actually know what he wanted, because usually he wanted what other people told him was the right thing to want.  
But what did he want?

Ashton's words that he had spoken, when Luke desperately had tried to find out who he truly was came back to his mind.

'Having long hair doesn't necessarily make you a girl as long as you don't want it to', Ashton had said and so Luke had grown his hair out.

'Gel nails or nailpolish make male hands look pretty too', Ashton had said and so Luke had gotten his nails done.

'Make-up can be manly too', Ashton had said and so Luke had started wearing glittery eyeshadow.

'You can wear what you want. Everything makes you look stunning', Ashton had said and so Luke had worn everything he liked.

'The fans will accept and love you no matter what', Ashton had said and so Luke had accepted and loved himself no matter what.

Maybe Ashton had another helpful advice on his mess of his so called feelings. Maybe Ashton could figure out what Luke's heart wanted to tell him. Maybe Ashton understood what Luke's heart truly wanted.


	2. Two

With a smile, Ashton softly pecked Lucas' lips as he cupped the boys face.  
The red haired boy blushed slightly, stepping a little closer to Ashton, making their chest touch each other as he bravely connected their lips once more.

'You know back in the club, you seemed so confident', Ashton mumbled against the boy's skin as he kissed his neck down.

'I am all the time, alcohol just.. improves my self esteem?'

'And by improve you mean dragging it out of it's room and forcing it to do it's job?', Ashton asked, now grinning as he brought a little distance between their faces to look in Lucas' gorgeous brown eyes.

'Did you just call my self esteem a teenager in a really weird way?'

'What if I did?'

'You're weird', Lucas pointed out and kissed Ashton's soft lips, adding a little heat this time which wiped the drummer's grin off quickly.   
Lucas bit Ashton's lip, making the boy moan even louder as he sucked on it, while letting his hands travel under the muscular man's shirt. He trailed down Ashton's chest, over his abs and down to his v line, before opening the belt and unbuttoning and unzipping the pants, only to pull them down, along with Ashton's boxers.  
Instead of getting up again, Lucas kneeled infront of Ashton, locking eyes with him as he took the boy's length in his mouth.  
Ashton was the first to break the eye contact by letting his head fall back in pleasure, moaning loudly as Lucas continued to bop his head up and down.

'Fuck, Luz', Ashton groaned, hardly being able to contain himself. The nickname made the butterflies in Lucas go crazy and made him even more motivated to show Ashton what he was capable of.

'You really shouldn't be doing this for much longer', Ashton mumbled between a few by his hand muffled moans. One hand was in Lucas' hair, while the other covered his mouth as his eyes rolled back in pleasure. The red haired boy really knew how to push the drummer's buttons just right.

'Lucas', Ashton warned once more, his tone starting to get slightly whiney with his upbuilding high.  
Lucas didn't plan on stopping there though and so, he circled his tongue around the tip of Ashton's length and stroked the part he couldn't take in his mouth with his hand, until Ashton came in his mouth. Like the good boy he was, he swallowed every drop of the warm, milky liquid. He got up, not giving Ashton a chance to calm down as he connected their lips in a heated kiss again. Lucas felt Ashton lick his bottom lip, asking for more. He parted his lips, allowing their tongues to meet, letting them fight a little for dominance. Ashton layed a head on the arch of the other boy's back, pulling him closer and deepened the kiss by using his other free hand to hold his head close. The usually so submissive Lucas showed new sides of himself, breaking apart from Ashton and putting a hand on the drummer's trained chest. He pushed him back until he felt the bed against his legs, giving him a final push and letting him fall on his back. Without any hesitation, Lucas stripped out of his clothes and put three fingers in his mouth. He released them with a 'pop' and crawled on top of Ashton, while inserting one by one finger into his hole, prepping himself. Ashton let it happen and watched as the boy prepared for his already slowly hardening length.  
While he waited, he took some time to admire Lucas' features, something he definitely didn't do often enough.  
The boy had defined cheek bones, making his nose appear cute and soft. The dyed red hair made his brown eyes appear so dark and beautiful, even though they were closed and Ashton knew that their chocolatey colour was mostly covered up by the dark and widened pupil right now, but he could see the love they normally held in them right infront of his inner eye.

Quickly and without a warning, Lucas let himself sink on Ashton's length and allowing it to fill him up almost entirely. The drummer watched as Lucas placed his hands next to Ashton's head and started to ride him. He used his free hands to support Lucas' hips and helped him with his already unregular becoming movements. Adding a little work himself, Ashton moved his hips up a little, softly thrusting into the boy who obviously wanted a lot more than just that. Ashton had never gone further than normal sex and never did anything too odd, his first ever experience with a boy being his himself unexperienced blonde best friend. Before he could think more about the blonde, he kissed Lucas, letting the boy know he did very good.

It wasn't long until Ashton felt the warmth build up in his abdomen once again, just in time with Lucas.

'Oh fuck Luz', Ashton moaned loudly as he felt the boy tighten around him as he came, pushing Ashton over the edge aswell. Lucas' movements became slow and lazy until he stopped completely, sinking down on Ashton's length completely before getting up.

'Where has that been all the time?', Ashton asked breathlessly, smiling like an idiot and blown away by the pleasure.

'Hiding in it's room, trying to not make it's job', Lucas answered with a cheeky grin, 'and then it decided it would be time to finally make a comeback in a sober me.'


	3. Three

Another hour passed and Lucas and Ashton were cuddled up on Lucas' bed, enjoying the peace of the simple moment.  
Their legs were tangled up and a blanket was lazily pulled up, hardly covering their private parts. Lucas head rested on Ashton's shoulder and the boy drew an invisible pattern with his left hand on the drummer's chest. Ashton's left arm was loosely draped over Lucas' side, his hand cupping the boy's hip as he let his thumb circle on the pale skin.  
He sighed, a satisfied smile displayed on his still slightly swollen lips, putting his free hand under his head and looking at the ceiling.

'Ash?', Lucas asked, moving his head up to look at Ashton, who hummed in response.

'When will I see your place?'

'My place?', Ashton questioned, turning on his side now to face the boy in his arms.

'Yeah, your place. Where you live, you know?'

'Yeah, yeah sure', Ashton mumbled, making Lucas chuckle.

'So?', he asked, tapping Ashton's nose with his finger, causing the honey blonde to scrunch his nose. Ashton took the finger in his hand, bringing it down and intertwining their hands, before pecking the boy's lips softly.

'You remember Luke?'  
Lucas nodded, thinking back to the night they met in the club. He had seen the boy only in the dim light of the club, but he remembered the boy nevertheless

'He stays over at the moment, because his girlfriend kicked him out', Ashton explained, deciding to leave the part where Luke cheated on her with him untold.

'Oh', Lucas only said, not knowing what to say.

'It's really not what you might think. I'm over Luke.'

'It's okay Ash, I trust you', the boy assured him, kissing Ashton's cheek and letting his lips linger on his skin for a little longer, before bringing the distance between their faces back.

'You know what, let's go.'

'To see your flat?'

'To see my house', Ashton corrected with a smug grin, making Lucas roll his eyes playfully.

'My apologies, I forgot the part where you were famous and own a whole freaking house', Lucas said and stood up, starting to dress himself. Ashton chuckled and dressed himself as well, leaving the room to put on his shoes, but not without pulling Lucas in for another kiss.

'So affectionate', Lucas giggled, letting Ashton pull him along to the front door and finally, towards the car.

'Nuh-uh. My car, I drive.'

'But-'

'No buts Ashy. Get in the passenger seat.' Ashton nodded and obeyed with a pout, giving the red head his puppy eyes.

'Forget it.'

**

'Oh god, what are you even doing with all that space?', Lucas asked, walking through the big house.

'The ususal. Hanging up a few photos, decorating everything, having a pool in the garden, throwing parties, do-'

'A pool in the garden?', Lucas interrupted him excited, jumping up and down.

'Yeah, it's not that big though', Ashton said and showed Lucas the garden.

'Are you kidding me? This is ama- Ashton don't you da-', Lucas tried to speak but his words were silenced as he fell in the pool.

'Ashton!', Lucas cried out, rubbing his eyes and swimming towards the edge of the pool. He held a hand out for Ashton to grab, wanting to be pulled up. The drummer only laughed and pulled his shirt off and kicked his shoes off, before he jumped in himself. As he surfaced again, he was immediately met with a wide smiling Lucas.

'This is amazing, you are amazing', he said, whispering the last part as he wrapped his arms around Ashton's neck. The drummer himself wrapped his arms around Lucas' waist and pulled him close, letting their lips meet in a sweet, innocent kiss as he allowed the boy to wrap his legs around him aswell.  
Ashton used one hand to comb through the boy's red hair, earning a happy sigh from him.  
Lucas licked over Ashton's lip, making the boy part his lips and deepening the kiss.

'Ashton? Ashton are you at home?', someone yelled and a door shutting was heard. The boys broke apart, looking at each other.

'Luke', Ashton mumbled, frowning. He hadn't thought about Luke being home anymore.

'Ash?'  
Luke's voice was now a lot closer and soon, the blonde stepped into the garden.

'Oh', he said as he saw his best friend and Lucas in the pool, 'sorry, I didn't knew you weren't alone.'  
Before Ashton had a chance to say anything, Luke turned around and walked back inside. Jealousy clouded his mind once again, reminding him of the feelings he had desperately tried to ignore. Tears welled up in his eyes as he hurried to the room he stayed in at Ashton's house, throwing himself on top of his bed.

'I-I think I should look for him and see whether he's okay', Ashton said, still looking at the spot Luke had stood at only seconds ago.

'Yeah, maybe. I'm sorry for causing problems', Lucas mumbled, swimming to the edge of the pool and watching Ashton climb out.

'Don't be baby. You didn't do anything wrong.' Ashton crouched down, cupping Lucas' lips once more, before getting up and walking into the house. He assumed that Luke went to his room and he hoped the guitarist had left the door unlocked. Walking through the livingroom, he left a trail of water due to his soaked clothes and hair, but this wasn't something he wanted to worry about now.  
When he reached the room, he saw that Luke hadn't even closed the door, so he walked in without hesitation.

'Lu?'

'Not now Ash', Luke mumbled, not bothering to look at his friend.


	4. Four

'Don't be like that Lu', Ashton said, carefully touching Luke's leg.

'Ash', Luke whined, but turned around, sitting up and bringing his knees up to his chest.

'You're sad', Ashton simply stated.  
Luke shook his head, wiping the tears away with the sleeve of his sweater.

'I'm not.'

'You're crying and lying.'

'No', Luke denied the obvious truth even though it was completely pointless. Ashton took Luke's hands in his and pulled the boy up on his feet. Before he could fall, Ashton wrapped his arms around him, causing Luke to squeal and wrap his legs around him in order to stop his fall.  
As soon as he was sure that he wouldn't fall, he unwrapped his legs and put his feet on the floor again. He was still pressed against Ashton's chest though, since the drummer didn't plan on letting go yet.

'Please let go', Luke asked, but Ashton only shook his head.

'Ashton, please.'

'First, hug me back Lu', Ashton now said, leaning his head against the taller boy's shoulder.

'No, let go.'

'Give me a hug Lu, come on', Ashton said again, swaying back and forth in order to comfort the boy.

'Ashy wants a hugy', Ashton pouted as Luke still refused to hug him and the blonde finally gave in.  
As he wrapped his arms around Ashton, he noticed that the boy was shirtless and still wet, which he immediately pointed out.

'You're wet.'

'You're sad.'

'You're shirtless.'

'You're.. blonde.'

'You're blonde too?', Luke asked confused, chuckling over Ashton's silliness.

'Bold of you to assume that I'm blonde, I'm honey blonde!'

'Sure', Luke chuckled and closed his eyes, finally allowing himself to enjoy the embrace. His clothes slowly soaked with the poolwater that was still dripping from Ashton's clothes, but he didn't mind.

'Why are you sad?', Ashton said, breaking the silence that had started to surround them.

'It's nothing', Luke answered, still not wanting to admit that he was jealous. What would they think if they knew that Luke had liked Ashton? He should focus on Sierra and their relationship instead of spending his days being sad over something that had happened in the past.

'Listen Lu, I don't know why you were sad, but I want you to know that you can always come to me, okay? I'm always there for you', Ashton said and rubbed over Luke's back. The blonde only nodded, holding back the frustrated tears that tried to get out. If he'd let them fall, he probably wouldn't be able to stop them anymore.

'You should go back now', Luke spoke up after another couple of seconds, still not breaking away, 'Lucas is probably waiting.'

'Yeah, you're right.'  
Ashton sighed and closed his eyes, only pulling Luke closer.

'Ash?', Luke asked and Ashton hummed in response.

'You have to let me go.'

'But you're so warm', the drummer pointed out and softly kissed the milky skin of Luke's neck, making him shiver.

'You're freezing Ash.'  
Luke finally broke away and looked at Ashton, who's skin was covered with goosebumps.

'You are too though', Ashton pointed out and motioned towards Luke's skin that was equally covered in goosebumps.

'I uhm.. I was running so I should probably take a shower anyways.'  
Ashton nodded and watched as Luke took a few steps back and walked towards the wardrobe he had his clothes currently in.  
He took a pair of sweatpants, a shirt and boxers out and put them on the bed. His eyes landed on the still shivering Ashton and he turned back to his clothes, getting a hoodie out and tossing it to Ashton. The boy was caught off guard and didn't catch the hoodie, making Luke shake his head in amusement.

'You have to catch', he playfully taunted him and picked the item of clothing up, before pulling it over Ashton's head. He then continued helping him up the sleeves and finally pulled the hoodie over Ashton's abs.  
When Ashton still didn't move, Luke tied the strings attached to the hoodie in a bow.

'So pretty', he mumbled and fixed the bow, before stepping away again.

'Thanks', Ashton said, his lips formed to a smirk.

'You're welco-', Luke said, but cut himself off as Ashton kissed his cheek and waved, before leaving the room.  
A blush now coated Luke's cheeks and he lifted his hand, letting his fingers touch the tingling skin.

'What was that?', he mumbled to himself and sat down on his bed, slightly smiling.

Ashton walked out of the room and into his room, getting dry clothes for Lucas and dry pants for himself. He rushed back into his garden, only to find Lucas sitting on the grass.

'Hey, I got dry clothes for you', Ashton said, making Lucas look up. A smile instantly made it's way onto Lucas' lips and he stood up, taking the clothes from the drummer.

'Thank you', he said and kissed Ashton's cheek, just like Ashton had done it to Luke only a couple of minutes ago.

'Before I change', Lucas' started, 'is Luke okay? He seemed upset.'

'Uh, yeah. We talked a little. I guess the thing with Sierra is weighing on him a lot.'

'Hm, yeah I get that. I feel bad for him. He seems like a nice guy', Lucas said and Ashton nodded in agreement.

'He is indeed. Actually he is one of the most lovely people I've ever met and I'm really happy to be able to call him my best friend', Ashton confessed, blushing a little. He didn't mean to talk about Luke like that infront of Lucas.

'I'm sure he is and you really don't have to blush. I already know you liked him for a while, don't forget that, yeah?'  
Ashton nodded and followed Lucas inside to show him his room, where he could change. He was surprised that Lucas was so laid back with everything and that made Ashton only like him more. Lucas was special.


	5. Five

It was in the middle of the night when Ashton woke up to a loud bang, followed by someone swearing.  
He immediately got up and looked for Luke. The boy's room was empty, meaning he could only be downstairs.

'Lu?', Ashton asked, not sure if what he saw through the dark hallway was actually his best friend.

'Oh, I didn't mean to wake you up, I'm sorry', Luke apologized and looked at Ashton. The blonde was hopping on one foot while holding the other one and leaned against the wall.

'Don't worry. Are you okay though?'

'Oh yeah, yeah sure. I only forgot that doorframes were a thing for a second and stubbed my toe on one.'

'Ouch', Ashton commented, now being able to see the blonde boy, because his eyes started to get used to the darkness.

'Yeah, ouch describes it quite well', Luke mumbled, finally letting go of his foot. An uncomfortable silence followed in which the boys only looked at each other, not knowing what to do next. Luke had long forgotten why he had been up in the first place.

'Why.. why weren't you sleeping anyways?', Ashton finally broke the tension. Luke shrugged, making Ashton chuckle.

'You don't know?'

'Well I do.. I- I think I wanted to.. maybe drink something or so?', Luke questioned, not really caring about that anymore. He wanted to kick himself in the bum for staring at his best friend, stuttering and acting around him like a teenager.

'I should probably go to sleep. Sorry for waking you up again', Luke mumbled.

**

'Ashton?'

'Ashy?', Luke mumbled, his sweater covered hands muffling the sounds.

'Are you up?', he asked again and when no answer came, Luke bit on the fabric of the sweater. As he listened to the flat, relaxed breathing of his best friend, he almost didn't want to wake him up anymore. He looked so peaceful and Luke didn't want to be the reason for this to end, because in the end, Ashton had been caught up with Luke and his problems lately and some peace was probably necessary.

'Lu?', a voice suddenly asked, ripping Luke out of his deep thoughts. The boy fixated his eyes on his friend again, shyly waving at him as the drummer rubbed his eyes.

'Is everything okay?', Ashton asked and sat up, patting the space in bed next to him. Luke hesitated at first, but sat down after a stern look from the older boy.

'I was just.. I don't know. I still couldn't sleep and wanted to see if you're awake and you weren't so I wanted to leave and now you are awake and it's my fault, because you have to be there for me all the time and you probably don't want to have me around all the time. Too much Luke isn't good for anyone, you know?', Luke rambled and Ashton needed a few seconds to get the words and their meaning straight in his head.

'Oh no. Actually, I haven't seen you in days, almost weeks. You've been constantly locked in your room and I really missed you. Also, I love spending time with you, okay? So please stop putting yourself down all the time. You're my best friend for a reason', Ashton explained and pulled the shy boy further onto the bed and under the covers.  
Maybe it was the fact that Ashton had used the word love or the sudden touch and closeness to him, but Luke wasn't able to reply at all. He just stared at him through his big blue eyes, trying to understand what it was that he was feeling around Ashton.

'You look like a baby deer right now', Ashton pointed out and softly tapped Luke's nose, watching as he scrunched his nose up and crinkles formed around his eyes as a wide smile found it's way onto his lips.

'You know you're beautiful, do you?', Ashton suddenly asked, still completely focused on his adorable best friend infront of him. Luke was still blushing and the compliments didn't exactly help with that.

'I.. I don't know. Am I?', Luke asked. Maybe he really didn't knew it, but the possibility that he just wanted Ashton to say it again was definitely there and realistically high.

'You are Lu. You are very beautiful', Ashton mumbled and lost himself once again for the hundredth time in Luke's stunning blue eyes. Something about his eyes was just mesmerizing and Ashton couldn't stop himself from leaning in. Their lips were only inches apart and Luke's breath hitched as he realized how closer they really were.

'Ashton', he whispered, but the drummer only put a finger on Luke's lips to silence him.

'Shh, no need to talk', he mumbled and Luke nodded softly as he tried his best to ignore his racing heart that was probably close the giving out.  
As Ashton slowly lifted his hand to put it on Luke's chin, it was clearly visible that he was shaking aswell.

Their eyes still locked with each other, Ashton used his hand to pull Luke's chin up a little, letting their bottom lips brush against each other. Neither of them dared to breathe at this point, scared to ruin the little moment.

The light that illuminated the hall came in through the small crack under the door and barely lightened up the room. It was hardly enough for them to see each other's faces, but Ashton and Luke didn't need more.

Their bottom lips still touched and finally, Ashton moved just a little closer, letting their lips fully connect. Their eyes closed almost naturally.  
At first, they didn't move their lips any further, but as Luke still didn't pull away, Ashton put a hand on the back of the boy's neck and started moving his lips. Luke hesitated, but kissed him back, sighing at the strangely familiar feeling.  
Ashton's tongue traced along Luke's bottom lip, making the boy part his lips. As their lips moved against each other as if they'd never done anything else, another source of light lit up, making them break apart almost immediately.


	6. Six

'Hello?', Ashton answered the phone, still breathing heavily. Luke kneeled on the bed, watching the drummer furrow his eyebrows. What did they just do?

'I.. uhm sure. It's pretty late though. Why did you call now?', Ashton said, looking at Luke and licking his lips. Luke bit his bottom lip, not sure what to do. Should he stay or should he leave? Before the blonde boy could think of an answer, Ashton had hung up. The drummer's eyes landed on Luke once again, who looked at Ashton aswell, a questioning look present on his face.

'It was Lucas..', Ashton explained and Luke found himself only nodding in response. For a minute, he had actually thought that the moment they had just shared wasn't some unrealistic dream. Of course Ashton still had Lucas and for the hell of it, Luke should love Sierra, but he didn't.  
He didn't love her the way he should be and he hadn't missed her in the last few weeks. He hadn't craved her touch or had thought about her when feeling the lust, that made him feel guilty, build up in his body.  
He hadn't been in a constant need for her, he had been in a constant need of his best friend. The best friend that made his heart race and the best friend that had an almost boyfriend, which meant he had other things on his mind. Luke wasn't Ashton's number one anymore and he probably would have to learn to accept that.

'He.. he asked if I could come over..', Ashton spoke up again, making Luke snap out of his deep thoughts.

'Oh', Luke just dumbly said, not being capable of forming a proper answer.  
Ashton once again bit his lip, regretting two things at the same time. The first thing he regretted was giving in and kissing Luke, his best friend and the second thing was telling Lucas he would come over.  
Ashton just hadn't been able to say no to a crying Lucas who had just found out that his family's dog had passed away.

'I should probably get going', Ashton mumbled, this time actually moving and getting up. Luke on the other hand still didn't move and started thinking of an excuse for Ashton to stay with him.

'I'm sorry.'  
Ashton's soft voice was heard from behind Luke and only moments later, he could feel the strong arms of the drummer wrap around him. His back was pressed against Ashton's chest and he put his hands on top of his, before closing his eyes and letting his head fall back against Ashton's shoulder.

'Don't be', Luke whispered, but it was too quiet for Ashton to understand, even though you could probably hear a pin drop.  
Seconds passed in which they stayed in that position, not moving an inch as they listened to each other's breathing. Without knowing it, both of their hearts had quickened their pace and were racing in the same rhythm, basically begging to not leave the other. But no matter what their hearts wanted, eventually Ashton let go and Luke let him leave, not daring to turn around and look after him.

He heard the drummer's footsteps in the distance and not long after that, the front door shut and the apartment fell silent. Now that Luke was alone, he finally turned around, looking at the spot where Ashton had stood only moments ago. The blonde boy brought his fingers up to his mouth, softly tugging at his bottom lip as his big blue eyes scanned the barely lit up room.  
He swallowed thickly as he thought about what could've happened if Lucas' hadn't called, but that didn't matter now. Lucas had called and they had broke apart. Ashton had left and there was nothing Luke could possibly do about it.  
With a sigh, Luke faced the bed again and crawled under the covers, burying his face in the soft pillows that smelled like the boy that still owned his heart and probably didn't even realize it.

A few tears slipped out of his eyes, not being able to hold them back anymore as he thought about the way Ashton would comfort Lucas. He would hold him tight and whisper sweet nothings in his ear, while Lucas would hide his face in the crook of Ashton's neck where he would silently cry.  
Who would comfort Luke though?

The blonde sniffled, pulling the covers a little higher and curling into a ball. He wanted to forget about Ashton and stop worrying about feelings that weren't wanted anyway.  
Luke knew that he had messed up his chance with Ashton, especially since Lucas came into the picture, causing Luke to dislike the red haired boy.   
The fact that there was no reason to not like him made Luke even more angry and before he knew it, he stood infront of a couple of bottles.

'Old feelings need old habits to drown them in', Luke mumbled to himself as he took one of the bottles, opened it and took a few sips. 

'I don't think I like me anymore. Please, someone tell me who I was before', he quietly sang, letting out a sad chuckle, 'I don't really like me anymore.'

While taking another couple of sips, he walked into the bathroom and sat down in the bathtub. Memories of Ashton and him having a good time haunted him and he took another sip. The alcohol ran his throat down, leaving it burn slightly but sadly, Luke was used to the feeling and didn't care anymore.  
The only thing that mattered was his broken heart and the alcohol he tried to drown it in.


	7. Seven

A dark house, all blinds closed and silence. A wet trail of an alcoholic liquid through the spacious living room all the way to the bathroom.   
The bathroom was completely dark and the only source of light came through the slightly opened door.  
A voice crying out was suddenly heard and someone throwing up, followed by violent sobs.

**

'Sure you'll be alright now?', Ashton asked, running his hand through Lucas' hair. The boy nodded with a slight sniffle, giving the drummer a sad smile.

'Yeah, thank you for coming over and staying the night', Lucas answered.

'Not for that. You needed me and who am I to say no and leave you all by yourself?'

'Well..', Lucas said, leaving his thoughts unspoken. Ashton cocked his head to the side, curiosity visible in his eyes.

'Well what?', Ashton asked, grinning as he saw the boy's cheeks turn red.

'I was wondering.. no, no it's stupid. Never mind.'

'Don't be shy darling. Speak your mind', Ashton said and sat down on a chair in Lucas' kitchen, pulling the boy with him and placing him on his lap. He wrapped his arms around the red haired boy's waist and patiently waited for him to tell him what he was thinking about.

'I just.. what are we Ashton?'  
Silence fell upon them, only their breathing was heard.

'I don't know..', Ashton muttered after seconds of the uncomfortable silence, his eyes fixated on the floor.

'Ash?', Lucas asked, waiting for the drummer to look up again. As he finally did, he smiled at him.

'You don't have to say anything. If you don't want to put a label on anything yet, then that's fine with me', he explained. Ashton nodded, before connecting their lips in a soft, sweet kiss. When they broke away, none of them felt like there was anything left to say. Ashton left a little later and felt light weighted on his way home. He was glad to have Lucas in his life.

'Weird..', Ashton mumbled as he saw his house. The blinds were closed and it looked like no one was awake or even home. It was almost 12pm and Luke should definitely be up by now.  
Ashton shrugged it off as pure laziness of the boy and got out of his car. He walked up to the front door and unlocked it, walked in and closed it behind him again. He put his things down on the shelf right next to the front door and slipped out of his shoes. Still, Luke was nowhere to be seen.

'Luke?', he asked, walking a little further into the house. He stopped immediately though as he entered the dark livingroom and felt his sock slowly being soaked with a liquid.

'What..?', Ashton mumbled as he kneeled down and dipped a finger into the liquid. He brought it up to his nose and immediately recognised the strong smell of alcohol.

'Oh no, not again', Ashton said and stood up. He walked to the light switches and turned the lights on. He quickly found the wet trail again and followed it, ending up in his bathroom. A strong smell of what seemed to be vomit filled his nose and he walked towards the bathtub where he opened a window. Surprisingly enough, there he was met with a passed out Luke.

'Oh my god', he said, falling onto his knees and shaking the even paler boy in order to wake him up.

'Lu, Luke', he said, tears welling up in eyes when Luke didn't open his eyes. Panic filled his body and he stood up, bringing Luke into a sitting position with him. With all his strength, he picked the unconscious boy up, careful not to hurt him in any way.

Scared that Luke had gone way too far this time, he tried to remember what to do in case of an alcohol poisoning. He laid Luke down on the carpet that covered the cold floor infront of his bathtub and brought him onto his side. As fast as he could, he filled a cup with water and poured it over Luke's face. Over and over again he did that and just when he wanted to give up and call an ambulance, Luke opened his eyes.

'Oh my god Luke', Ashton cried out, helping Luke to his knees and pulling him towards the toilet, where he put his fingers into the guitarist's mouth, forcing him to throw up until there was only stomch acid coming out.

'What did you do?', he whispered repeatedly and pulled his fingers out of Luke's mouth. He washed his hands and helped Luke up, washing his mouth out aswell.  
Not thinking that the blonde could actually walk by himself, he picked him up and carried him towards Ashton's bed. There, he laid him down carefully, making sure his head is secured by enough pillows and gets another cup of water that he tells Luke to drink. The blonde obeys and drinks with Ashton's help a total of two and a half cups.

'Okay, you need some rest now', Ashton said and pulled the covers up to tug Luke in.

'Hmm Ash.. you there?', Luke mumbled, his words horribly slurred amd his eyes only half open, not being able to focus on anything.

'Yes Lu, I'm here. What do you need?', Ashton questioned and sat down next to Luke on the bed, facing the boy as he waited for an answer.

'I.. Ashy think.. no I think', Luke started, giggling slightly, 'I think me drunk.. alcohol yeah.'  
Ashton shook his head slightly, letting out a sigh as he turned away. Even though Luke wouldn't remember this or even really see it, he didn't want to cry infront of the blonde. It broke Ashton's heart to see Luke like this and the boy was obviously not aware of the risks and the danger he had put himself in.


	8. Eight

'My head is killing me', Luke whined as Ashton walked into the bedroom, telling Luke to drink another few cups of water.

'I can't', he complained after only half a cup.

'You can and you will', Ashton demanded and pushed the cup towards him again. Luke only shook his head and crawled out of bed. Ashton, who sat on the edge of the bed didn't wait long and pulled the boy back.

'Hey.'  
With a huff, he finally gave in and stopped squirming in Ashton's arms.  
The drummer unwrapped his legs around Luke's waist and let the blonde boy sit in between his legs.

'Come on, just this one cup', Ashton begged, still hugging Luke from behind.

'Can we.. can we just not sit like this?', Luke asked, biting his lip. He hated to be so aware of Ashton's body behind his and he hated how much it turned him on when Ashton was acting dominant.

'Sure', Ashton answered and Luke was about to let his breath out, when the drummer continued speaking, 'right after you emptied that cup.'  
With a lot of self control, Luke nodded and took the cup from Ashton's hands, sipping on it.

'You know Lu, I was really worried about you', Ashton said, loosely wrapping his arms around Luke's stomach and resting his cheek on the blonde boy's right shoulder.

'Hm', Luke hummed and took another sip of the cup, hoping he could soon get out of this unfortunate position.

'Is that all you have to say?', Ashton questioned as Luke passed the cup from one hand to another. It was obvious that the boy didn't listen since he was too focused on not getting sexually aroused but of course, Ashton didn't know that.

'Luke?'

'Hm, what?', Luke asked with a slight jump, accidentally spilling some of the water on his pants in the process.

'Nevermind. You know what? Maybe drinking water isn't a good plan right now', Ashton said and shook one of his hands, letting a few drops of water fly around.

'Sorry.'  
Luke grimaced and turned around, looking at Ashton with an apologetic look on his face.

'It's fine. Maybe you should change pants though', Ashton said, looking at Luke's crotch, where the water had soaked the fabric of his sweatpants.  
Not trusting his voice, the guitarist nodded as Ashton's eyes were still on his crotch that Luke had a very hard time to control.

'Then.. go on', Ashton said with a chuckle when Luke didn't move.  
Finally, the blonde boy got up and awkwardly pointed to the door.

'Yeah, yeah you can get pants from your room, it's fine', Ashton laughed and watched as Luke rushed out of the room.

'Oh god', Luke mumbled as he entered his room, getting a new pair of sweatpants out of his wardrobe and changing into it. Still too embarrassed about the way he had acted, Luke sat down on his bed and buried his hot and red face in his hands.  
If he would act around Ashton like that, the drummer would quickly catch in and question his behaviour. Then he would find out that Luke was jealous and wasn't even trying to get Sierra back. Ashton had rejected him once already and Luke was sure to not let that happen again. He shouldn't mess around with Ashton like that when the boy clearly had feelings for Lucas. It couldn't take long anymore for them to put a label on what they had and Luke should be a supportive best friend then.  
The fact that Ashton and him had shared that kiss though was messing with Luke's mind. He really didn't want to get his hopes up, but on the other hand, Ashton had been the one kissing him and not the other way around. This had to mean something, right?

The thoughts running wild in his head caused the headache he still had to only get worse and he regretted not drinking the cup of water. Even though his heart felt heavy and seeked another rush of alcohol, Luke's head knew that this wasn't the way to go. The last thing Luke wanted was to become an alcoholic and being in the state he was in right now, he had the best conditions for becoming one.

'You should take an ibuprofen for your headache. You have to eat something first though', Ashton suddenly said, making Luke jump.

'Since when are you standing there?', Luke questioned, fearing that Ashton had seen his inner conflict. After all, the drummer knew him pretty well and stuff like this usually didn't go unnoticed by him.

'Long enough to see that you're in need of some pain relief', Ashton answered and Luke nodded. The honey blonde seemed to not have seen Luke's inner conflict, calming the guitarist a little as he followed him.

'So, what do you wanna eat?'

'If I'm being honest, I don't think I can get anything down', Luke admitted. Of course Ashton didn't take 'no' for an answer, so he made him scrambled eggs and toast.

'There you go', Ashton said and put the plate down infront of Luke. The blonde looked up at Ashton with his big blue eyes, making the drummer smile.

Luke thanked his friend and while the boy began to eat, Ashton looked for the package with the painkillers. Once he found it, he popped a tablet out and filled another glass of water, giving it to Luke.

'Don't look at me like that Lu. You have to drink at least a little water to swallow the tablet', Ashton said, making Luke close his mouth again that he had opened previously to complain. The older boy seemed to be satisfied with that and sat down on the other side of the table, waiting for Luke to be done.

'Can I ask you something?'  
Luke hummed in response, waiting for his friend to continue speaking.

'Do you still love her?'


	9. Nine

Completely caught off guard, Luke started coughing hysterically.

'Oh god Lu', Ashton said, getting up and awkwardly patting his back in order to help him.  
A few coughs later and Luke had finally gained back the control.

'You know that doesn't do anything?', Luke said, referring to Ashton patting his back.

'Sorry princess, I panicked', Ashton murmured and went back to his seat, sitting down and resting his underarms on the table.

'You tend to do that a lot, huh?'

'Well, you tend to give me reasons to panic', Ashton shot back and leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms.  
Luke went quiet, not daring to say a thing, because Ashton was right. Luke kept making stupid and risky decisions and got himself in dangerous situations. Until now, Luke had been lucky enough for Ashton to be there every time, but at some point, Ashton wouldn't be there anymore. At some point, Luke wouldn't be Ashton's number one anymore.

'Hey, hey Lu. I didn't mean to hurt you', Ashton suddenly said right next to him.

'I'm sorry', Luke said with a sniffle, blinking the tears away that had welled up.

'For what?', Ashton asked as he kneeled next to the chair that Luke sat on, putting a hand in the boy's thigh.

'For being a burden', Luke answered with a sigh.

'You're not a burden. You're my best friend and I care for you', Ashton said and Luke only nodded. There was nothing left to say for the blonde. He had missed his chance with Ashton and now he had to live with the consequences of that. Ashton would always just be his best friend and bandmate, never more and he was the cause of that.

**

Letting another couple of days pass, Luke situation hadn't become much better. He seeked the drowsy and numb feeling of alcohol warming his body, letting his heart forget the pain that shattered it. Unfortunately, Ashton had only invited Lucas over once and they had spend the whole day in the house, no way Luke could get a sip of alcohol then.

Right now, Luke sat in the room that he was told to call his and looked out of the window, not focusing on anything specific. His eyes had found the comfort of the cloudy sky and the rare strays of sunshine that broke through them every now and then.  
Normally Luke's eyes would get glassy and start to tear up due to the bright light, but his eyes had gotten used to it by now plus, the clouds covered up most of the light anyway.

Ashton hadn't come in today to look for him and maybe that was for the better. In Luke's opinion, he looked awful in these vulnerable days. His blonde hair was messy and there was no hint of a recent haircut or even hairstyle in there. His skin was pale, his eyes were red and swollen and there were dark circles under his eyes. He hadn't bothered to eat a lot aswell and probably had dropped a few pounds, but he couldn't get himself to care. What was the point in caring if no one else cared?

Luke hated himself for eavesdropping at Ashton the day that Lucas was there. He didn't expect to hear these words out of their mouths so soon, even though it was bound to happen.

'Ash?', Lucas asked, looking up at the drummer, who hummed in response.

'What.. what are we?'  
Caught off guard by the sudden question, Ashton didn't answer at first.

'You don't have to say anything', Lucas said and was ready to drop the question, when Ashton finally found the courage to answer.

'What do you want us to be?', he asked, taking the weight of the question off of his shoulders and sharing it with the boy.

'I don't know- well, I do know, but I don't know whether you feel the same way.' Ashton giggled at Lucas' unsure answer.

'Just tell me what you want and I tell you what I want, yeah?'  
Lucas nodded and cleared his throat. It was obvious that the boy was nervous and even a little scared of rejection, even though he knew that Ashton liked him a lot. He was scared that it wasn't enough.

'I want to call you my boyfriend', Lucas mumbled, not daring to look into Ashton's eyes, as he was too scared to see something his heart couldn't handle.

'Then you are allowed to do that now.'

'Really?'

'Really', Ashton answered and looked at his boyfriend in awe.  
The fond eyes that Ashton gave him was enough to let the next words slip out of his mouth.

'I love you.'

'I love you too', Ashton answered and kissed his boyfriend's lips.

'You're so cute', Ashton whispered against his lips.

What they both didn't know was that Luke had been listening and he found it everything but cute as tears rolled down his cheeks.

In order to pick up the broken pieces of his on the floor shattered heart, Luke dragged himself to his bed, helplessly tugging on the hoodie he was wearing. It took about a minute but then he threw the piece of fabric that belonged to Ashton from the bed, letting himself fall back onto the bad, sobs shaking his weak body.


	10. Ten

While Luke thought that Ashton had forgotten about him, Ashton found himself standing infront of the blonde's door repeatedly. Up to ten times a day, his feet lead him to the door, but not once he found the courage to knock.  
After all, Ashton knew that he would hurt Luke with the news of Lucas and him being a couple now. The curly headed drummer also knew that there was already something clearly wrong, because after three days not seeing your best friend, despite living in the same house it was obvious that nothing was okay.

Once again, Ashton stood infront of Luke's door, his hand about to knock when he heard steps inside. Taking a few steps back, Ashton kept his eyes on the door, hoping Luke would come out. Seconds passed and seconds became minutes when Ashton was sure that Luke wouldn't come out.  
With a heavy sigh, he threw all his worries away and finally knocked.

Against all his expectations, Luke froze in place, staring at the door with wide eyes. He knew that it could only be Ashton and if he was being honest, he didn't want the drummer to see him like this. He had accepted that Ashton wouldn't look for him and that he would spend more time with Lucas now.   
The guitarist had come to terms with his fate and had decided that he would have to make up with Sierra again. She had always been there for him and it was time for the truth.  
The last hour or so he had tried to call Sierra, but she hadn't picked up.

A second knock was heard in unison with his phone. Luke quickly glanced at his phone, checking the caller ID to see Sierra's picture. A small smile spread on his lips and he answered his phone.

'Hey', he said, waiting for her to answer first.

'Hey Luke.'

'I'm sorry for disappearing', Luke started, carefully choosing his words, 'I wanted to give you space after all I did.'

'Thank you.'

'That was the least I could do', Luke said and bit his lip. He felt awfully guilty for what he did.

'I-I thought maybe we could meet up again and maybe talk', Luke suggested. If he was being honest, he was prepared for a 'no' and didn't expect anything else.

'Just us two?'

'Yeah, of course', Luke reassured her and twirled his hair with his finger.

'Okay. I'm free tonight.'  
Luke was already surprised that she had agreed in the first place, but that she wanted to meet up that quick was even more surprising. If the blonde was honest, he was also happy to have an excuse to not talk to Ashton.

'I uh yeah, yeah I am too.'

'At our- my place in two hours then?', Sierra said and the fact that she had almost called the house their place made Luke's heart hurt even more. She didn't deserve any of this.

Luke agreed and they hung up.  
The knocks on his door had stopped, but Luke couldn't help feeling sad that Ashton hadn't walked in.  
Luke's feelings confused him, because he didn't want to talk to Ashton, on the other hand he wanted him to walk in and talk him out of meeting up with Sierra.  
He wanted to make up with Sierra, but at the same time he wanted to silently suffer alone in his room, crying as he hoped for Ashton to love him back.

He got some clothes out of his wardrobe and silently opened the door. As he looked the hallway down, he was met with Ashton. The urge to close the door was strong, but Luke's will to do something right once was stronger.

'Hey', Ashton said, pushing himself off the wall and eyeing Luke. The boy truly looked bad, but there was some kind of determination in the way he stood there.

'Hey.'

'Can we- can we talk?'

'I can't. I have to get ready, because I look kind of horrible', Luke explained and motioned to his body.

'It's not that bad', Ashton said and Luke chuckled at the drummer's poor attempt to make him feel better.

'Well, thank you. You don't look that bad either', Luke answered and disappeared in the bathroom, leaving Ashton back in the hallway.

A shower, a change of clothes and brushing his teeth later, Luke walked out of the bathroom again. He tied his curls up into a bun, ignoring the strands that fell down because they weren't long enough yet.

'Where are you going?', Ashton asked as Luke entered the kitchen.

'I will talk to Sierra', Luke explained and Ashton nodded.

'Do you think that you two will be able to leave all of that behind and start over again?'

'I don't know. But if I want to us to have a chance, I have to be completely honest with her first.'

'So you'll tell her..?', Ashton said, leaving the sentence open.  
Luke nodded, making Ashton let out a heavy sigh.

'I have to', Luke said and grabbed an apple. He took a bite of it and turned around.

'I know you have to. Just- just be careful. Good luck.'   
Luke nodded and left.

**

His hands sweaty and his heart close to giving out, he knocked on the once so welcoming door.  
It didn't took long until Sierra opened the door and allowed him in.  
An uncomfortable silence fell upon them as they stood in the hallway.

'Sierra, I-', Luke started, but Sierra interrupted him.

'Before we talk about anything surrounding the mess that was our relationship... can I just hug you please?', Sierra asked, her eyes becoming glassy when Luke nodded and opened his arms. She immediately walked closer, letting the blonde pull her into the hug as she clung onto her ex-boyfriend.

'I missed you so much', she said, her voice shaking as she was dangerously close to crying already.

'I missed you too.'


	11. Eleven

'Thank you', Sierra said as they parted again and Luke smiled. Sierra lead him into the familiar livingroom and sat down on the couch. Luke followed her and sat down on the couch aswell, leaving a little space between them.

'So..'

'So..', Luke said and rubbed his hands. He was unsure of how to start, even though he knew exactly what to say.

'This is kind of ridiculous', Sierra said with a sarcastic laugh, 'we used to be so close and now we don't even know how to act around each other anymore.' Luke nodded in agreement and sighed.

'I just messed up and if I'm honest, I have no idea how to fix this. All I can do is be honest with you', Luke said.

'Then do exactly that.'

'Do what?'

'Be honest with me. Tell me what you have to tell me.'

'I told you that you didn't know her, right?'

'Right', Sierra confirmed.

'That wasn't true.'

'Which part? That I don't know her or that it was a girl?', she asked, leaving Luke speechless.

'Oh, don't look at me like that. I might be small, but I'm not stupid. I saw how much you changed and I know you Luke.'

'I know..', Luke said amd swallowed thickly, 'both were lies, yeah.'

'Okay, so who was it?'

'Ashton', Luke mumbled and watched Sierra close her eyes as she tried to calm herself and collect her thoughts.

'Okay.'

'Okay?'

'Yes Luke, okay. I knew it was Ashton, I just wanted to hear it from you', she admitted. She leaned back into the soft cushions of the couch and looked at Luke.

'How?'

'Well, I already told you that I know you better than you know yourself probably. I had a lot of time to think and I saw the way you looked at him. Also.. I talked to Crystal and she told me a few things..', Sierra said, 'please don't be mad her. She just knew things that helped me understand.'  
Luke nodded understandingly, but didn't say anything. He just didn't know what to say to that, even though he was confused why Crystal knew more than the others. Had Ashton told her?

'Who-Who told her?'

'Ashton talked to her a few times and when she heard that we broke up, she felt like I deserved to know. She knew that it wasn't her place to tell, but she wanted me to know so I would maybe be a little more open for a meet up with you.'

'She's too good for us', Luke mumbled and Sierra nodded with a light giggle.

'Yeah, that's true.'

'I should probably be offended.'

'Hm, maybe.'  
Once again, silence filled the room, until Luke cleared his throat, signaling that he would say something.

'You know, I think I was really confused. I never thought that I could be with a guy.'

'Were you a couple?'

'No, oh god no. We were a mess. Ashton liked me, but I was with you. Then I liked him, but he's with Lucas.'

'What about now?'

'He's with Lucas. They're together since a few days', Luke admitted, knowing that this wasn't what Sierra wanted to hear. He wasn't ready to admit any feelings to anyone.

'And you? Who do you like? After all, you called me.' She wasn't sure if she wanted to know, because she was still hopelessly in love with Luke. But Sierra was ready to move on if she had to. All she wanted was Luke to be happy and if she couldn't make him happy, maybe their relationship wasn't worth fighting for anymore.

'I don't know.. I missed you so much.'

'What hurt more? Our break-up or Ashton and Lucas getting together?'

'Both broke me.'

'Oh Lu, why only are you so bad at understanding your feelings?', Sierra asked and Luke shrugged. He hated it himself, because it made everything ten times harder than it already was anyways.

'I'm sorry. I messed up everything we had and now I can't even let you move on', Luke said on the verge of tears. Sierra immediately reacted with scooting closer and hugging Luke. The blonde melted into the touch and allowed himself to be weak infront of her as he let a tear slip out of his eye.

'I know you need time to heal, but I need to know if it's worth to wait for you', Sierra said as she rested her head on Luke's shoulder.

'Yeah, yeah of course you need to know..', Luke mumbled and closed his eyes. He went back to their first kiss and their first date. To the day he had asked her to be his girlfriend and how it felt when she had said 'yes'. He thought about the weeks they had decided to move in together and when they had looked for a house until they had found this one.  
They had so much fun choosing the furniture and deciding where everything would be and Luke could remember the first night in their own shared home together as if it had happened the day before.

He felt the butterflies in his stomach and the nights and days they had spend loving each other and enjoying their life. How much she had supported him in everything he had done and how well she had always reacted when he had to work. All the thick and thins they had gone through and he felt the warmth of her love in his heart when he took a deep breath, 'don't wait for me.'


	12. Twelve

'I'm back', Luke said, but received no answer. He searched for Ashton, but the drummer was nowhere to he seen. Looking in the kitchen, he found a small paper with a note on it, saying that he was with Lucas.

'Of course you're with him', Luke mumbled and walked into his room. There, he changed into his swimming clothes and went to the garden, bringing his phone and his Bluetooth speaker with him. The water in Ashton's pool was warm and the sun was shining on Luke's pale skin.  
Not letting the opportunity of a drink slide, he went back in and took a glass out of the cupboard, before going to Ashton's alcohol collection that Luke adored. He grabbed a bottle of whiskey and went back to kitchen, pouring some of the liquor in the glass. He added some ice cubes and went back to the pool, taking a sip of his drink.

He connected his phone with the speaker and scrolled through his music until he found the song he was looking for. He pressed play and put the song on repeat, emptying his glass.   
Loud and clear, he heard the beginning of the song 'Some say' by Nea. The liquor burned down his throat, but he only poured more into his glass, emptying it again. Refilling his glass soon became tiring and he started to drink straight out of the bottle, until he felt the relieving effect of his drinking.

Luke got into the pool, where an air mattress was floating already and with a little trouble, he got onto it and layed down, closing his eyes.

His fingertips touched the surface of the water and once in a while, the wind created small waves that made his finger dip into the water slightly, breaking through the surface of it.  
The sun warmed his skin and mercilessly shone down on it.  
Luke's already closed eyes and the soft melody of the song lead to the boy giving into his exhaustion, tiredness taking over.

**

'Ashton, I don't know if this is a good idea', Lucas said and bit his lip. To say he was nervous was an understatement and if someone would ask him, he'd say that he was even more nervous than Ashton.

'I don't know, but I don't want to do this alone', Ashton admitted, gripping the steering wheel tighter.

'But if it's true and he still has feelings for you..'

'I'm not sure. It's been a while since he told me and he seemed truly heartbroken when Sierra found out.'

'Hm, maybe. I'm just worried. What if we hurt him even more now?', Lucas pointed out.

'He needs to know anyways.'  
Before Lucas could say anything else, they parked in the driveway to Ashton's house. The sun was starting to set and the couple had spend the whole day together, weighting out ther options of telling Luke about them.

The couple got out of the car and walked up to the front door. Waiting impatiently for Ashton to unlock the door, Lucas considered running away. He was scared of Luke's reaction, considering that he only knew the blonde for a few weeks and had no idea what could happen. In addition, he didn't want the blonde to be hurt, because Lucas himself only knew too well how it felt to be hopelessly in love. He was sure that leaving Luke in his small bubble a little longer, could help him get over Ashton.

'Luke? I'm home', Ashton said a little louder like they always did to infrom each other of their arrival.

'Please let him be sober', Ashton mumbled as he saw that the blonde wasn't in his room, the livingroom or the kitchen and the door to the room he stored his liquor in was open.

'Uh, Ash?', Lucas said. The red haired boy was in the livingroom, while Ashton checked the other rooms.

'What?'

'Can't you hear that?'  
Lucas walked closer to the big windows of the livingroom that displayed the beautiful garden.

'Hear what?', Ashton asked, being closer now. Just in that moment, Lucas saw Luke laying on an air mattress on the pool, explaining the music he had heard.

'Nothing. I thought I had heard something', Lucas lied and turned away from the windows.

'He isn't here', Ashton said and sat down with his back towards the windows.

'Well, maybe he is still at his girlfriend's house?', Lucas suggested. He stood behind Ashton, massaging the drummer's shoulders in order to calm him. From there, Lucas could still see Luke floating on the water and he was sure that the boy was drunk. The bottle and the glass at the edge of the pool only confirmed his thoughts.

'Maybe.. maybe I should call just to check on him?'

'Oh uhm, why don't you go there? He probably needs a ride home anyways', Lucas suggested and hoped that Ashton would agree.

'Are you sure? I don't want to seem overprotective.'

'Yeah, I'm sure they'll understand your worries', Lucas assured him and finally, Ashton nodded.

'What about you?'

'I can wait here and if he's not there, I will tell you when he shows up', Lucas said and Ashton gave him a quick kiss, before he rushed out of the house.


	13. Thirteen

Lucas waited until he was sure that Ashton was gone, before he opened the slide door and stepped out into the garden.

'Why am I even doing this?', Lucas mumbled and walked to the edge of the pool. The mattress Luke was laying in was floating across the pool and to Lucas' luck, it was close to the edge, so he could get ahold of it and pull it close.  
He didn't want to wake the boy up and be the cause of Luke falling into the pool in his state. Also, this would be even harder to explain if Ashton found out.

He grabbed Luke under his arms and pulled him onto the grass, waking the boy up in the process.

'What?', Luke mumbled as his eyes fluttered open. His eyes didn't adjust to the bright light as quickly as they normally did, so he didn't recognise Lucas right away. When he did though, his drunken mind was furious.

'Get off me', he slurred and slapped Lucas' hands away, making the red haired boy back off immediately.

'I'm sorry', Lucas mumbled, 'I just didn't want you to hurt yourself, because you're obviously drunk again.' Luke huffed at that and tried to stand up, but fell back on his butt.

'That's none of your business', Luke barked and slapped Lucas' hands awak once again, once the boy had helped him up.

'I know it isn't', Lucas said. He remembered the times that Ashton had talked about Luke and his alcohol consume. The drummer had suffered a lot because of it, since he was worried that Luke would end up as an addict and he was obsessed with keeping the boy safe.  
Ashton would probably blame himself for having liquors in his house and especially leaving Luke alone with them. Lucas wanted to avoid that and maybe, even though it was very unlikely, Luke would open up and Lucas could help him.  
All he knew right now was, that he had to find an excuse for why Luke was suddenly here and why Ashton couldn't look for him until the boy was sober.

'Hm, then act like it. Where-', Luke started, but almost fell. Lucas quickly reacted and gave him the needed support. Luke accepted it this time and didn't push Lucas away, 'is Ashton.'

'He is looking for you.'  
Luke furrowed his eyebrows and looked at his best friend's boyfriend with a questioning look.

'I saw you in the pool and since I know about your alcohol problem-', Lucas started to explain, but Luke interrupted him.

'I don't have a problem', he slurred.

'Sure, whatever. I just thought it would be better if Ashton didn't see you like this', the red haired boy finished explaining.

'Like what?'

'Like that, drunk.'

'I'm not drunk', Luke complained as they walked inside, still leaning on Lucas for support.

'What are you then?'

'Tipsy.'

'Tipsy?'

'Tipsy', Luke repeated. Lucas knew that the boy was definitely drunk and Luke probably knew this aswell, but denial was part of an addiction and as sad as it was, Luke seemed to be addicted already. At this point Lucas wasn't sure if he was doing the right thing anymore, because maybe Ashton had to see this.  
For now though, Lucas helped Luke to get into his bed to sleep his down out.  
He would have to improvise an excuse for Ashton later.

'Can you lock the door?', Luke slurred, his face squished into the pillow and half asleep already.

'Why should I lock the door?'  
Lucas had been on his way out, but now he had turned around again to face Luke.

'He'll come in', Luke answered simply and yawned. Lucas nodded and walked out of the room, locking the door. He would have to find a way for Ashton to let him sleep in the house, so he could unlock the door in the morning.

'Great', Lucas sighed as he felt his phone in his pocket buzzing. Ashton was calling and was probably going to ask whether Luke was there or not.

'Hey', Lucas said as he answered the phone.

'Hey Luc. Luke isn't at Sierra's. They've broken up', Ashton informed his boyfriend.

'Uh yeah, he's here. He has locked himself in his room though. I guess that was the reason for why he was so sad then', Lucas answered and internally let a sigh of relief out.

'God, this idiot. I don't think he realizes how much he scares people by disappearing like that all the time.'

'He's heartbroken probably Ash. Give him time', Lucas answered and went back out in the garden to clean the remains of Luke's mess.

'Yeah, you're probably right. Anyways, I'm on my way home. I'll be there in five.'

'Okay, see you then.'  
With that, they hung up and Lucas rushed to get the bottle and the glass inside and cleaned. Considering that he didn't knew where what belonged, he thought he did a good job when he was finally done. Hopefully Ashton would think so too.


	14. Fourteen

When Ashton had returned, Luke had obviously been asleep and Lucas had had trouble convincing Ashton to let that stay that way. In the end, Ashton had given up and asked Lucas to stay the night, since he didn't want to be alone.

Despite having his boyfriend next to him, Ashton couldn't sleep. That was why he carefully got out of bed in the middle of the night.  
On tiptoes, he walked down the hallway, stopping at Luke's door and listening. Everything was quiet and Ashton put a hand flat on the door.  
He wanted to knock so badly and talk to Luke. The blonde was probably suffering and needed someone on his side, while he was trying to get over Sierra. Sure, he had ended the realtionship himself, even though Sierra had been ready to wait for him, despite everything that had happened, but Luke had always been very soft on the inside. Ashton was sure the boy needed his best friend.

With a sigh, he took his hand from the door and went into the bathroom to cool himself down by splashing some cold water in his face.

The whole time he thought about Luke and his conversation with Sierra. Ashton was surprised that Sierra had talked to him, even though she knew that Ashton had been the cause for this mess to begin with.

Just when Ashton turned the faucet on, he heard a loud thud, followed by hectic footsteps. Only seconds later, someone was loudly banging against the door. Ashton turned the faucet off and run to the source of the noise- Luke's room.

'Luke?', he asked, his tone giving away how worried he was.

'Let me out, please. Please, let me out', Luke cried, still banging against the door.

'Lu, you have the key.'

'No', Luke cried, worrying Ashton even more. Luke had locked himself in the room, so Ashton had no idea how to get the boy out.

'Yes, yes darling, the key is on your side. You have to look for it', Ashton explained, hoping that Luke could calm himself enough to find the key and unlock the door.

'I can't, Ashy please, get me out', Luke only cried, falling onto his knees.

'Yes, yes you can love. Do it for me, okay? You just have to see if the key is somewhere in your room', Ashton said barely above a whisper, but Luke heard it. Ashton's voice was giving him the bit if comfort he needed to open his eyes and actually look for the key. Ge got up and slightly stumbled through the room, eyeing the door aswell, only to see that the key was missing.

'No key', he whined, tears falling down and followed by more.

'Lu, it's alright. I will look for the spare key, okay?'

'Please hurry', Luke mumbled and Ashton did. As fast as he could, he ran to the cupboard and opened the drawer, where he had all his spare keys in. He looked through them, until he found the one for the guest bedroom.

'Ash? What are you doing and what was that noise?', Lucas asked, rubbing his eyes tiredly as he stepped into the hallway.

'Luke woke up and since he locked himself, he can't get out and panicked. I need to get him out', Ashton explained and finally held the right key in his hand.  
Lucas swallowed thickly. He hadn't thought as far as Luke waking up and not remembering his wish for him to be locked in.

'Ash, he drank last night', Lucas said, wanting the truth to be out, before anything else happened.

'I figured', Ashton only answered, not really listening and rushed to the locked door.

'I'm here Lu, I'll unlock the door now.'  
He quickly put the key in the keyhole and twisted until the relieving 'click' sound signaled the opening of the door.

'Careful', Ashton mumbled as he turned the doorknob, opening the door and revealing his best friend.  
A look inside the room and Ashton knew that there was indeed no key.  
Luke immediately ran out and into Ashton's arms. The drummer's back against the wall, he slowly slid down the wall until they sat on the floor. He held Luke tight, who sobbed violently against Ashton's chest, starting to hiccup aswell.

'It's okay Lu, I'm here. You're out', Ashton mumbled and placed a soft kiss on top of Luke's hair.  
The heart wrenching moment was interrupted by Lucas clearing his throat.

'Ash, I need to tell you something.'  
Ashton looked up to his boyfriend. He felt bad for being so close to Luke in Lucas' presence, but he knew the boy didn't mind. Luke needed him now and Lucas knew and respected that.

'I made a mistake.'

'What do you mean?', Ashton asked, still rubbing Luke's back up and down.

'I-I saw him yesterday in the pool and he was drunk. You told me so much about Luke's unhealthy relationship with alcohol and I didn't want to upset you, so I helped him hiding. I brought him into his room and in order for you to not see him, he asked me to lock the door. I should've told you, but I just didn't thought it would turn out this way. I'm sorry', Lucas explained, his voice breaking at the end and a tear slipping out of his eye.

'You- oh wow, okay', Ashton said, trying to understand the situation. He wasn't exactly mad at Lucas, because the boy didn't mean to harm anyone. He actually just wanted to protect them and underestimated the situation.

'Yeah, you should've told me. I'm not mad at you, but maybe you should go home', Ashton said and Lucas nodded.

'Yeah probably, I think that's for the best. He needs you anyways', Lucas said and motioned to Luke, who was curled up into a ball, still sobbing his little heart out. Only sometimes, a hiccup interrupted the heartbreaking sounds.

'Yeah, he does.'  
Just when Lucas wanted to leave, Ashton grabbed his wrist.

'Hey, I love you, okay?', Ashton said.

'I love you too.'


	15. Fifteen

A week later, Lucas still felt bad for what he did. He hated himself for having underestimated the situation like this, when all he wanted to do was help. That was why he had told Ashton that it would be better if he isn't coming over for the next weeks, until they were able to sort things out.  
Ashton was sad, but he understood where Lucas was coming from, so he let him keep his distance.

'Ash?', Luke whispered, knocking on the door frame.

'Come in', Ashton answered and put his book away, that he was currently reading to get his mind off of things a little.

'Can.. can I sleep in your room?'

'Still scared?', Ashton asked and patted the space next to him on his bed.

'Yeah', Luke answered and hurried across the room and into his friend's bed.

'You know', Ashton started, dimmed the lights and giving Luke some of the blanket, 'until you feel better, you can just sleep here. You don't have to ask every night.'

'Okay, thank you', Luke said and moved a little closer. They were facing each other and their feet were slightly touching. The small touch send sparks through Luke's body and his stomach was going crazy with butterflies. Their eyes were locked and Luke felt himself drowning in Ashton's gorgeous, warm eyes. The drummer had a fond look on his face, while he looked at his best friend. The boy seemed so fragile, but Ashton knew he was strong. Even though he drowned his worries in alcohol, the boy had gone through a lot with his identity in the last few months.

'You're beautiful', Ashton mumbled and brushed a strand of Luke's hair back in it's place.

'Thank you', Luke mumbled, blushing a little at the compliment.

'Do you.. do you remember that day, when I walked against a door right before soundcheck?'  
Luke nodded and giggled at the thought of that.

'Well, you wore make-up that day and what can I say? You looked too good and I couldn't stop staring at you, so I walked right against that door', Ashton confessed. He thought he would be more embarrassed to tell Luke about that, but when he saw the blonde's face brighten up, Ashton knew he did the right thing.

'Are you serious?'

'Yeah. You looked so damn good that day and I couldn't help myself. The door was probably trying to knock back some sense into me.'  
Luke laughed along with Ashton, the blush being replaced by a sincere smile.

'Sure it wanted to knock it back? I meam what wasn't there to begin with..', Luke started, but didn't continus his sentence. He loved mocking the drummer and he knew Ashton loved it just as much.

'You mean little thing', Ashton laughed and started to tickle Luke. The blonde tried to push Ashton off, but he was laughing way too hard, making all his strength disappear.  
The honey blonde now hovered over Luke, but didn't stop then.  
Only Luke begging him multiple times to stop made him feel sime pity for the boy.

'Alright, alright', Luke laughed and held his hands up in defense.

'You're smart and have all the common sense in this world', Luke said and Ashton nodded satisfied.

'I can live with that', Ashton said and got off of Luke go lay down next to him again.  
Both of them were breathing heavily with wide smiles on their lips. Luke's butterflies in his stomach had only increased and made tears of joy fill his eyes.

'Hey, don't cry', Ashton said as soon as he saw the glassy eyes of his best friend and moved closer again to out an arm around him.

'Don't worry, they're happy tears', Luke sniffled and moved a little closer to Ashton aswell. The urge to kiss him was almost unbearable, but he could control himself if that meant he could stay with Ashton. All he wanted was a life with the drummer and if that meant staying friends and watching Ashton be happy with Lucas, so be it. He was ready to give up his hope of calling himself Ashton's boyfriend some day for this, for nights in his arms and laughing until their bellies hurt. For having him around and knowing he was there when Luke needed him, because in the end there was one thing that Luke knew- a life without Ashton wasn't an option.


End file.
